Midnight SILHOUETTE V2 /

MIDNIGHT!/ Monday, March 2, 2009

Well, it really had been a really long time since i updated. It has been buzy these few coming week as we prepare for the class cheer and cross country. But in the midst of happiness, death comes around knocking on mygrandpa's door.
On Thursday, 26 February 2009, right after I came back, my father got an urgent call from my mother as she said she was rushing to check on grandpa. Before I can even digest the fact that there's something major happening in Tampines, my mother called back shortly. In between tears, my mother struggled a few words as she told my father over the phone:
"My father's dead."
All my siblings and I can respond to the sudden death was that I was totally shocked. Remorse slowly clawed its way up into my throat as the others already crying. Trying my best not to cry in front of them, I quietly sneak into my room.
The next day, I rushed back home to prepare myself to go to my grandparesnt's house, where my late grandpa was still lying there, like as if he was just peacefully sleeping. He couldn't be dead, that thought keep running through my mind. H's just sleeping. He couldn't just pas away like that...
But he did. The undertaker-in-charge was already there discussing about how to prepare the corpse for the funeral ceremony and how much they should pay. Everyone closest to grandpa were also there, weeping as the undertaker-in-charge talks about what my grandpa should wear. Others have puffy red eyes, while some quietly sit there in a daze. Time soon flies and we realised how tired we were.
Second day after my grandpa's death, nearly all of my family members, including y paternals side grandfather, were attending the funeral ceremony. The youngest ones were busy burning hell notes while the adults pray and talked to each other. Shortly after that, there were bouts of praying, kneeling an burning as the choking smell of joss sticks filled up the air just like sorrow filling up our hearts. That emptiness of a loved one not with us anymore is truly unbearable. At the final rite, we were supposed to say goodbye to our grandpa as it will be the last time we can ever see him live (no pun intended). As all of the extended family walks round the coffin, we cannot stop the urge to cry anymore.
Third day, and the most despairing one, the day where my grandpa is cremated, there's more prayers and more sadness as we burnt grandpa's future, or currently, mansion. Everybody held hands in a circle as the heat rages, quickly reducing the paper mansion into soot. My mother was already shaking as my grandma keep crying out gradpa's name, desperately wanting him back. After it was burnt down, we wasted no time to follow the funeral march next. As we followed the closed coffin through 2 road junctions under the freaking hot afternoon sun while wearing only funeral clothes and socks (yes socks. Thankfully, i wore the much thicker school socks) Everybody was watching in curiosity as this is probably one of the largest funeral procession in this year. Yet. Anyway, we walked up till a certain point on the road here buses are waiting for us to ferry us to the Mandai Crematorium. Which was awesome.
When we reached there, grandpa's coffin was pushed into the altar or something like that in the hall before the cremation. Everybody kneeled and pray as usual as my mother cried uncontrollably, sobbing as the coffin was wheeled out and into the most dramatic room i have ever stepped foot on. (Seriously!!! If you don't call lights brightening up as the coffin was wheeled into the cremating thingy drama, what else would you call it?)
The lights brightened up slowly (or maybe it's the sun? :/) as a few moments later, the coffin was wheeled in to the big enclosed area. We were in an air-conditioned room called the Viewing Hall, where we would be crying and screaming for our grandpa to come out. (I wonder why.)
As everybody did the aforementioned stuff, I couldn't watch any longer. The cries rang in my ears as i hid my face in my arm (my other arm was busy hugging my sister). I couldn't bear the strong emotional atmosphere which filled up in the room. And the wheeling in to the cremation thingy took ike, i eternity. I mean, why wouldn't the machine be moving faster? Then finally, at the end as the doors closes and the coffin was out of sight, everybody stood up from their kneeling position and starts to move towards the exit.
Everybody's still bleary-eyed and all, and my aunt wouldn't stop crying. At another resting place, another group of family were atteding their loved one's funeral. (I realised, before i went into the Mandai Crematorium building, that there are around 6 bodies that needs to be cremated.) And everyone's mighty tired from all that crying, so we went up the bus to rest.
Ok, everything's fine now, thank you very much for your concern, even though i know there isnt anyone who would be visiting now...
But i still feel sad, obviously. And to help me remember this unconditional love which my grandpa has showered over s for these few years, i am dedicating this song called "Swear It Again" by Westlife to my late grandpa.
Enjoy! It's a really great song!
:)

Dammit, it ain't meant to be.
3/02/2009 06:26:00 PM <3

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